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PSYCHED OUT

Drag queens and kings: why they exist

by Mike Radice

Last month, Carnegie Hall was thrown into a sudden earthquake as several thousand gay men stomped their feet in admiration for the artistic genius of Marni Nixon (accompanied by the New York City Gay Men's Chorus). The appreciation for Marni, as well as a long list of equally talented female performers (and one female impersonator), flowed and swirled through the cavernous music hall with every swoop of the baton. The lengthy concert turned into a love-feast for the many talented female artists who agreed to share the stage with the chorus to help raise money for AIDS services. It was an evening of stereotyped Gayety.

The truth is, gay men "love" women. When I say "love," I'm not talking about that electrical, spiritual, and physical bond that gay and lesbian people have for their own gender. I am talking about a love that signifies friendship, admiration, spontaneity, and respect. I've remained baffled as to why this has not been communicated effectively to many of our lesbian sisters.

Lesbians have several mis-perceptions of gay men, as do gay men of lesbians. It's time to discuss the misunderstandings, and to find a common ground.

Let's start with a couple of the many misunderstandings.

For starters, there are some gay men who have difficulty understanding and relating to butch lesbians. They believe that butch lesbians are an oddity, that they aren't really "women," and that they dress in men's clothing because they are trying to be "tough." Some gay men believe that these women would actually prefer to wear feminine clothing, but choose masculine clothing to make a political statement. Every time this subset of gay men encounters a butch lesbian, they assume that the masculine attire and mannerisms are nonverbal statements of hatred toward men. They believe that butch lesbians "just don't get it," and these men want nothing to do with them.

There are some lesbians who believe that the effeminate behavior displayed by some gay men, as well as their choice of wearing feminine clothing, are attempts to demean and mock women. Some lesbians also believe that gay men don't differ from straight men in their attitudes toward women, and that any attempt by a gay man to show interest in, and respect for, women are acts of deception and attempts at control. They believe that gay men “just don't get it," and the women want nothing to do with them.

The truth is that the views of both camps are stereotyped misconceptions of the other based on ignorance, and fed by mutual exclusion.

The masculine clothing choices of some lesbians are often based on issues surrounding comfort and simplicity, as well as wanting to make the statement that lipstick

femininity is symbolic of the helpless, mindless, powerless woman--and that they want no part of that stereotype. For others, it's a work necessity. It has nothing to do with mocking, hating, or belittling men.

Gay men who choose to wear feminine clothing, or to display effeminate behavior, do so out of appreciation and admiration for the greater fashion detail, color, and variety offered by traditional women's fashions and mannerisms. Many gay men have reported dressing in drag, as young as six years old, for these very reasons. There are also many gay men who, being raised as men, have been handicapped at understanding women's issues, and have been asking questions to better understand the difficulties faced by their lesbian sisters. The behaviors and questions posed by these men have nothing to do with issues of control, mockery, or disrespect toward

women.

Now that this has been cleared up, let's move on to step two.

Currently, lesbians and gay men are sitting in a leaky and rickety boat, in the middle of the ocean. We are surrounded by fast-approaching sharks and pirate ships. While our enemies seek to overtake us, our boat goes around in circles while we argue over a variety of circumstances that, although important and deserving of time and energy, have nothing to do with heading the boat to shore. This battle between the sexes will be our demise.

We don't have to look far to see the evidence of our division. Cleveland is Ohio's only major city without a civil rights ordinance protecting sexual orientation, and despite Greater Cleveland's population being twice the size of Columbus', we can barely scrape up 600 for a Pride parade (Columbus attracts a couple thousand).

Because we are of the opposite sex and weren't meant to be together in love relationships doesn't mean that we need to be separated when working to ensure that we can live, love, work, and raise our families without the fear of oppression, violence, and hate. Within the next couple of years, we will be facing a state constitutional amendment which could label us as second class citizens. We need to come together, and fast. Unless we come together, we will end up putting ourselves and our families at risk for even greater psychological, economic, and physical damage.

On April 25, we will be given a second chance to come together as a community. We will be given the opportunity to spread the psychological glue that will bring us together. On April 25, we will be sharing a city, a civil rights march, and a national stage. The country will be viewing us as

one.

See you in Washington. Wear want you want, and bring an oar.

Next issue: the psychology of religious fundamentalist hatred.

Mike Radice is a Cleveland psychologist.

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